hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
