Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
