Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
