Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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