Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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