how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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