at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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