My liver just broke up with me...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
