if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
