Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
