Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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