Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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