is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
