a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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