We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
