first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
