Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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