You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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