You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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