clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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