when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize