I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
