Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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