??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
