i wish starbucks made bloody marys
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
