: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
