What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
