I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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