Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
