I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
