I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
