one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
