You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
