everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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