we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
