she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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