i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
