I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
