what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
