now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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