Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
