Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
