is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
