I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
