his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
