I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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