ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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