well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
