This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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