I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
