I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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