Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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