If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
