weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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