Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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