you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
