my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
