Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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