Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
