true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
