Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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