There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
