I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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