hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize