Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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