Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
