2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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