Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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