God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
