Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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